My friends,

Our Corporation has a Monthly Competition in which we pay our Members 25M ISK for the Best Carebear Tears (basically, who can make another Pilot angry enough to spout off in local, or in a private convo) and I’m going to start posting the “Winning Entries” here, each month.

In July, our winner was Paul Clavet, who (with another Member, Arik Van Claw) managed to bring our hapless victims to start fighting others in Local… …all started because we entered their mission and were actively salvaging the wrecks.

GRIMREAPER 01 > wow you guys cant find anything better to do
Sonargod > it happens when school is out and they can’t get a gf
Arik VanClaw > lol
Leeta Saviere > Leave them alone Sonargod - They still have each other.
Arik VanClaw > I just like to warp into missions for the cool music
Sonargod > lol
GRIMREAPER 01 > yea sure

Nothing beats a good comeback like, “I just like to warp into missions for the cool music.”

I do find it interesting whenever a Mission Runner has to validate their own inability to deal with others in New Eden by trying to sell you on the fact that actually doing Missions is a viable alternative.

GRIMREAPER 01 > you would make more by doin ur own
GRIMREAPER 01 > umm yea you obvisily havent soloed a lvl 4
Arik VanClaw > normally I don’t salvage merc wrecks, but imma make an exception in this case
TheStarman > This is more fun and more profitable
GRIMREAPER 01 > you make more soloing a lvl 4 then wasteing time scanning and salvageing o wow
Arik VanClaw > hehe even better when you get them to shoot their own wrecks
GRIMREAPER 01 > lol
GRIMREAPER 01 > there junk wrecks
FrFrmPukin > doesn’t matter when we are making bounties
TheStarman > lol who cares
TheStarman > Its funner to see guys whine
Sonargod > waht a bitch

For some, it’s all about the almighty ISK.  For others, it’s all about the interaction between people.  I prefer to be counted amongst the latter.

GRIMREAPER 01 > no i just wonder why you guys waste ur time lol

Oh no, he did NOT just say we “waste our time”…  Had I been there, I would have reminded him that while we play against other people, Mission Runners, in essence, are playing with themselves.  Ah, well.  Some people just can’t be taught.

Arik VanClaw > lol, 450k rail gun in that one, couldn’t pass it up
TheStarman > hurrr ur wasteing ur time leve lolololol
GRIMREAPER 01 > newb lmao
TheStarman > Whatever dude. Why dont you go grind some more

Hats off to TheStarman, one of the pilots who actually “gets it”…

GRIMREAPER 01 > take somethin then warp out LOL diddnt wanna fight all of us awwww
TheStarman > I’ll come in there. What, you going to lose your shit over a ship with less than 100k of shit in it?
GRIMREAPER 01 > lol you take me on you newb i see how long youve been playn
TheStarman > I dont care how long I’ve been playing. I’m not going to stick my neck out and attack you. I’m new, not retarded
GRIMREAPER 01 > lol both man if you come into my mish
Arik VanClaw > ah sweet sweet tears, please keep crying
TheStarman > Seriously

Whenever pilots feel like they’ve been set upon by those who use their brains to do something more original, they always seem to revert back to schoolyard mentality, and like to threaten…  “Meet me out back, where Concord won’t see…  We’ll settle this…”

I mean, Ninja please.  If I wanted to have an ePeen swinging competition, I already know you’ll be at a disadvantage.

Noidzz > whats all the drama about?
Arik VanClaw > some carebears had their mission party crashed
TheStarman > GRIMREAPER complaining about Ninja salvaging

There’s never a dull moment, and people new to the scene are always asking what’s going on…  Of course, we’re more than happy to oblige.  I’m sure you’ll note that there were very few quotes from our members in any of the local convos above.  We’re more than happy to watch the festivities as pissed off Mission Runners and the locals have it out.

FrFrmPukin > lol.. these carebears have teeth.. meet us in parts
FrFrmPukin > come on.. lets do it..
FrFrmPukin > goto parts or old man star .. I down for it
Arik VanClaw > just war dec, then you can have a week of fun
Paul Clavet > But Arik, usually that means WE have the fun
FrFrmPukin > screw that… lets take it out of high sec.. or are you scared
Sonargod > until your mom takes away your comp, then you get a week of you and yourself
FrFrmPukin > screw that 24 hour wait war dec crap.. common… meet us in parts so we can get on
FrFrmPukin > screw the war dec crap.. its man to man..

“It’s Man to Man…”  Yet another way to say, “I’m afraid of fighting your entire Corp, but hey, I think I might be able to beat you alone…  Maybe…  Just to be on the safe side, I’ll invite you there, and call in a few buddies.”

Right.

Aidan Columb > the easiest way to piss these guys off is simple……
Aidan Columb > blow your wrecks up
Aidan Columb > you get the bounties….they get to waste thieir time scanning u down

Wow, I’ve never heard of this tactic.  What a genius!  Obviously, this guy has figured out the solution!  Oh my God, I’m just going to go quit, and start running Missions if this ever gets out!

/sarcasm

FrFrmPukin > well if you going to piss somebody off.. be prepared to be bitch slapped

Right here, I thought, “Alright, this guy is going to Wardec us anyway.  After all, his honor has been called into question, and he tells us all - right here - we’re going to pay for our indiscretions!”

FrFrmPukin > lets goto parts .. right now.. you and I..
Sonargod > with my pimp cane
FrFrmPukin > I am calling you out
FrFrmPukin > lets go

Nope.  Sorry, I was wrong.  He’s still hiding behind his gigantic (*giggle*) ePeen, and not interested in backing it up using the best methods at his disposal.  Sad, really.

Arik VanClaw > lol, man, this guys pretty ballsy when he has several corp mates backing him up
Paul Clavet > heh
Sonargod > I won’t back him up it’s one on one, unles you wannna bring your corp in too, only fair fights

Riiiiiiiigggghhhhht.  You’re not planning on backing him up in any way.  I know how this would have gone, had our guys actually taken them up on the “Fair Fight” of which they called for.  They would have all been on the killmail, dishonoring the 1v1, and then they would have gladhanded each other into the next millenium at how stupid the ‘noob salvager’ was in believing them.

Those who play EvE Offline are all the same.

FrFrmPukin > who’s the carebear now… hide behind your monitor you little bitch
Paul Clavet > rofl
FrFrmPukin > common starman and arik.. come to parts
Arik VanClaw > later pukin, busy salvaging people who aren’t so whiney
FrFrmPukin > you want to pvp … then go
FrFrmPukin > oh.. that’ right. .you are only good at stealing..FrFrmPukin > whatever.. you don’t have to steal.. I will give you a whole station container full of shit
Arik VanClaw > hehe, this is good stuff

Sooner or later, you just have to move on, as our young adventurers did in this case…  Sure, they weren’t driving the conversation as much as the Mission Runners did, but please.  Have you ever seen any pilots so sad in their style that they just have to smack and moan about every little ISK they’ve lost?

“I will give you a whole station container full of shit.”

Sure you will.  If you had so much stuff to just ‘give away’, you wouldn’t be pissing and moaning about the loss of a few million ISK in salvage parts.  Maybe it’s about something bigger.  Maybe your e-honor has been tarnished, and you feel small… …insignificant.

Well then, I guess our job here is done.

Dras Sun > man ninjas i love you
Dras Sun > this place has been like this all day

I think this closing comment from Dras Sun is the best conclusion we could have to our little adventure.  It’s always nice to be able to provide a bit of ‘entertainment’ to those pilots who grace our Space with their presence, and even moreso when you have a former War Target singing your praises.

Hats off to Paul Clavet and Arik Van Claw for the extraction of carebear tears…  …and here’s to many more to come!

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

As a Ninja Salvager, you have days where you yearn to do interesting things…  Days where your Mission Running victims just don’t provide the level of quality in their smack, or any smack at all.  It’s at times like this, that you learn that your chosen profession has more to provide by way of enjoyment than any “ride the rails” Mission Runner could ever dream of.

This is one such story from Velocity Prime, who found that his Mission Runner had neglected to bring in his Drones during his Mission:

“I was scanning for missions last night when I picked up a hit on the ol’ scanner. Hobgoblin II it said. Now as we all know, where there are drone hits, there are mission runners, salvage, or forgotten drones. Spotting tech II drones is just a giant beacon in the vastness of space yelling, “Here I am! I’m running a level 4 mission! There are riches waiting to be had!”

So I warp to the location and discover a gate. I do a quick directional scan at 2,000,000 km and see 5 Hobgoblin II’s, a Drake, and lots of wrecks. I bookmark the gate, and because of the amount of wrecks on the scan, I activate the warp gate and zoom into first room.

Inside I find nothing. What it looked like I had on my hands was one of those wily mission runners. You know, the ones who try to be smart and salvage each room as they go before they go onto clear the next room. Anyway, the second gate was very far away, so I hit the afterburners and start heading toward it.

When I got to the gate, I did another directional scan to check on the status of my Drake friend, but I was a little surprised when he didn’t show up on the scan. Panicked, and thinking that I might lose the gate if the mission runner suddenly turns in the mission, I quickly activate the gate, catapulting myself into the second room.

To my surprise, I find that there are two NPC’s left in the room. The mission runner must have warped out. I spot the 5 Hobgoblin II’s in the distance, a juicy and tempting find, but there is an NPC battleship near them, so I think better of it and decide that I should just get to salvaging instead of picking up the drones. I bookmark the room and warp off to the station to pick up my salvaging frigate.

When I arrived back at the first mission gate, I did a quick scan to check up on the mission runner’s status. Yep, he made it back in alright, time to extract some tears. I activate the gate.

I come out of warp into the first room to find the the Drake slugging its way across the expanse of the first room toward the far gate. Hitting the afterburners, I quickly pass him, leaving him far in the distance as I activate the second gate into the final room where my salvage awaited its liberation.

I come out of warp and immediately target the closest large wreck and head for it. While orbiting the wreck however, I noticed that the NPC battleship that had originally been guarding the Hobgoblin II’s had moved away from them, allowing enough distance for me to safely free the drones from their soon-to-be former master.

I get the “There’s no salvage to be had” message from the large wreck that I was working on, utter a small curse about Mordu wrecks under my breath, and make a bee-line for the Hobgoblins, the blood beginning to pound through my veins as I realize that the Drake could be nearing the gate and warping in on me. The race was on!

Time was of the essence. I pushed my little Slasher to its limits in order to reach my prize. “To hell with this crappy salvage and loot I thought, these drones are mine!”

As I was nearing the drones, I did a quick scan through my overview to see if the Drake was in sight. He wasn’t. What i should have done was drop a can by the gate in the last room. That way, with the use of the directional scanner, I could have figured out how close the mission runner was to coming in the room. Lesson learned. I would just have to be fast in order to not get caught now.

With the first drone in range, I scoop it into my cargo hold with glee and a rush of excitement that I haven’t felt in a while. I proceeded to each drone in turn and scooped them in alongside the others.

I knew that the mission runner was going to be really mad that his drones suddenly missing and that he would feel stupid for letting them sit there when he warped out, and I knew that he was probably going to have to buy them right back from me in a few minutes on the market. Oh, sweet irony! Unfortunately I had to go AFK and was unable to finish salvaging the mission, knowing that the tears that would have followed had I shown my face back in that mission would have been tears for the ages. Ah well. There will be other missions to salvage.

I warped off to the station and put the drones up for sale. They sold shortly thereafter.

- Velocity Prime”

It’s a fine day indeed, when you can clean up space of misplaced drones, jetcans and the like.  This is accentuated by the fact that you know that the careless Mission Runner is probably going to be the one purchasing his own drones back…  …and one can only hope that he or she is not as careless in the future.

Mission Runners, take note.  If you leave it, we’re more than happy to pick it up.  Perhaps if you took better care of your equipment, our services wouldn’t be required.  But, of course, we’re happy to provide you with the best service possible.  If we were all as conscientious, perhaps New Eden space would be a lot cleaner.

Suddenly Ninjas - cleaning up space, one expensive, Tech II drone at a time.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

I was fitting up a new Harby in a War Target’s System, making for a quick exit, since, while I was all alone, there were increasing numbers of them growing in local. I was pretty lucky that most of the parts I wanted were grouped in one or two stations, but there were the last remaining parts one jump out in the adjoining system.

I figured, “Nice. I’ll just finish up here, and leave the system, dock up for the last parts, and head home. Piece o’ cake.”

So, with a half-fit Harby with 3x 1600mm plates, 2x EANM II’s, DC II, three Trimark I’s, a dronebay full of Vespa ECM drones and a pocket full of dreams, I undocked from the last station in the system to warp out. It was then that I saw the MALLER!

(Insert dramatic music here)

Wait a goddamn second. A Maller Cruiser isn’t going to take my tank-heavy Harby out! What the hell am I worried about? So, I’m being watched by one WT. Big whoop. I’ll be out of the system in a second or so, and they’ll be none the wiser. I warp to the gate, jump through and start aligning to the next station. It’s then that I notice the Maller decloak behind me, and puts a point on me.

I’m thinking, “FFS, he must have passively scanned me and figured out I had no guns fit. I’ll make a run back to the gate and jump through… I’m closer and he’s not following me yet. Maybe I can align on the other side and jump to dock up.”

As I reach the gate to jump through, I’m not certain if he dropped his point, of if I’d clicked the “jump” button, but I noticed for a second that I wasn’t targetted any longer. Once on the other side, I came to realize my mistake.

A Thorax, Rupture, Harbinger and a Blackbird all sat on the other side, blinking and ready, drones deployed. Sitting, cloaked, I considered my options. One of the items that was waiting for pickup outside of this system was my Cloaking Device, so no chance for the cloak-warp trick. I can’t fight my way out with no guns. I guess it’s time to align and try to warp, before they get to me, if I can.

No chance. I was sufficiently scrammed and jammed, getting a quick lock on most of the ships (and one drone, before I noticed my key-click error) and let fly the five ECM drones, attempting to target the ship that had me scrammed. No such luck, either.

So, I watched my ship go quickly through sheilds, sloooooowly through armor (heh) and then quickly through structure as I thought to myself, “Hmm. Had I aligned and deployed these drones on the OTHER side of the gate, I probably would have managed to escape in time.”

The good thing to remember, of course, is to fly what you can afford to lose, and try and learn from your mistakes.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

A while back, I submitted a news story in regards to the activities of Suddenly Ninjas, and I was pleasantly surprised when I received an EvEMail from ISD Magnus Balteus, who is responsible for reporting on newsworthy stories that occur in New Eden.

Here is the News Article that was posted on the EvE Forums:

“Morality and Legality
reported by ISD Magnus Balteus

Two of the main professions pod pilots engage in are mission running and mining. With these occupations attracting such large numbers, it is of little surprise to most that there are other more shady lines of work that thrive off the efforts of these pilots, namely ore theft and “ninja” salvaging. Although victims of these two activities question the morality of what they consider stealing, they also begrudgingly admit that the “thieves” are well within the bounds of current law.

Ore Theft

Almost as old as the act of mining itself, ore theft has evolved significantly since its first days. Originally undertaken as a quick way to grab ore without the drudgery of mining it, ore thieves could at one point “acquire” as much raw material as their ships could hold, all with complete impunity. Pressure from the mining community eventually forced CONCORD to rule that stealing ore was indeed a crime. From that moment, retaliation by the victim was sanctioned.Within only days of the new ruling, opportunistic ore thieves discovered they could work the new laws to their own favor. Often they would perform a “reverse aggression” tactic to legally destroy the miner’s ship, letting them not only take all the ore mined but also any surviving modules. In a reverse aggression tactic, the ore thief would steal the ore from a miner’s jettison container and replace the container with his own. If the miner then reclaimed the ore from the “flipped” container, he would incur the aggression charge of the ore thief. Buoyed by CONCORD intervention, many novice miners fell victim to this “loophole” in the new legislation.

With the advent of Hulks and salvage abilities, incidents of reverse aggression escalated into a new profession. Pod pilot Elthen estimates that there are now “80% ‘flippers’ [and] 20% looking for ore”. Espejo Roto said, “I know of a [new pod pilot] who took out a Retriever, Exequror, and Scythe [in] solo [combat]. Aside from having a ball, he got more money from the few minutes of conflict than he could have hoped for from days missions. A Retriever drops a million or two, and Hulks are juicy, so when it takes less than a minute to kill the miner… it’s much better than mission boredom.” “Saying it’s a full faction hulk, maybe 500 million ISK if his booster drops”, added SkippyTheWonderTard.

One anonymous “flipper” tells us that “it’s near impossible to lose your pod in empire, so we can fly top end faction implants…with relative safety for the implants at least”

Defense against this type of thievery is possible, but costly in either time or manpower. One pilot, DuPuy, has gone so far as to keep friends nearby to move the ore immediately and provide combat and logistic support to protect his mining ship.

Ninja Salvaging

As detailed in an article earlier this year, “ninja” salvagers are pilots that salvage wrecks of mission contractees; commonly at times when the mission pilot is still in battle. Tchell Dahhn, CEO of Suddenly Ninjas, claims that “I don’t have an issue with those running missions for their agents per se, but when I fly into a deadspace zone, only to find the wrecks created by some headstrong pilot floating, broken, and left to rot, it angers me… if they would only clear up after their battles, cleaning my space, we wouldn’t really have an issue, now, would we?”Despite tongue-in-cheek claims of only cleaning up abandoned wrecks, Tchell was observed making this comment: “I’ve rigged up three salvage tackles to make the job fast and efficient. Sure, they cost more than 40 million ISK, but they were worth it! Ask the mission runner who’s busy tractoring a wreck towards them, and I salvage the wreck right from within their grasp!”

Ownership of the salvage is what seems to be the key argument from both sides. M’ing Pai stated that: “I firmly believe that the idea that the wrecks aren’t owned by the mission runner or his corp is completely shaky… If you aren’t a member of that runner’s corp or gang, you can’t tractor it… If you shoot it, and you’re not a member of the runner’s corporation or the runner himself, CONCORD comes to defend against an aggressive act against someone else’s property.”

Tchell is quick to point out that: “If this was some type of theft, I’m certain the CONCORD Constabulary would come knocking on my door!”

Despite the frustration of mission runners throughout New Eden, salvage has so far been deemed to have no ownership; thus legitimizing Ninja Salvage as a profession that some deem “even lower” than ore thievery. With the recent rise of battlefield wrecks due to Militia activities, ninja salvagers have even been known to follow militia fleets around in the hopes of grabbing some scraps. This activity has added even more confusion to militia fights as overview settings become filled with “neutral” ships mixed in with hostiles.”

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

I’m happy to report that we have received our first ‘Official’ Surrender, in the war against Buggers’ Interstellar Transport, and the voice of their Member, AnonyTerrorNinja.

In a Corporation of three Members, it’s never the smartest to smacktalk in Local about how the Members of a significantly larger Corporation are all ‘noobs’, nor to speak ill of their CEO in the same ilk, so I was honor bound to declare war on the Members of Buggers’, on behalf of the many fine Members of Suddenly Ninjas.

This was actually our first Wardec where we initiated it, so I am very proud to say that receiving the surrender feels fantastic, even though we did not receive the ISK payment that was demanded, it was never, really, about the ISK.

To that end, here is the apology we received on the EvE Forums:

“I hereby apologize to Tchell Dahn and his/her corporation for saying that they are as nubby as their CEO.

I see now that I was wrong, and should have instead said that some of them are not nubby.

Is it can be hugz tiem now pleez? “

As you can see, the threat of war humbles even the most stalwart spirit.  If you’ve never received Corp Mail from Concord in regards to a surrender, it is extremely awe-inspiring:

“The war between Buggers’ Advanced Interstellar Transport and Suddenly Ninjas is coming to an end. Buggers’ Advanced Interstellar Transport has surrendered to Suddenly Ninjas. The war will be declared as being over after approximately 24 hours.”

I, for one, am happy to accept this surrender on behalf of the Best Ninja Salvaging and Looting Corp in New Eden.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

This post was a long time coming, however, I felt compelled to note the story of how we seem to continually receive Declarations of War from small men who like to hide behind other Corporations’ strength. The EvEMail I received, below, shows how this all began.

In the EvEMail, Amastat recounts how *my* ego caused his actions, yet fails to tell how he was smacking in local about how our Members were all “noobs”, and he also failed to mention that I was defending our Corporation against his constant barrage of BS.

“As promised I - you have a war. Try not to misjudge too many people and their abilities - your corporation suffer unendingly for that ego of yours.

I’ve also taken the liberty to employ Malum Crusis to make sure you and your members remain fully entertained for the next 2+ weeks. Try not to disappoint - camping your corporation to the point where the attrition destroys works, but we’d also like to scoop up some bodies as well.

I’m well versed in war well prepared to inflict all forms of damage - but if you can swallow your pride, maybe we can talk later; I can be reasonable and willing to engage in diplomacy, but I’m strict with vassals.

I believe you’ll think you won’t talk over anything, and will stand strong - but I’m not sure; not when your members are out of morale, ISK, and work - the line of thought may change. If you care for the corp for as much as I hear, you’ll have to make a choice. Either way works for me - mind you -)

-Amastat”

We rallied against his attacks, and while he made a small dent in our ships, to make the point that we do not bow to anyone with a bigger mouth than they could back up, we employed Mercs to counter his Mercs. He quickly decided that playing the docking game, smacking us from the protection of his station, would be a better course of action.

A few short weeks later, we noted that the smack subsided, and his Membership slowly disappeared. About a week ago, he closed his Corporation, and ran to the protective teat of the Lords of Kaos. I guess that when little men with big mouths find they can’t back up their words, they quickly fall back on what they know - running.

The only ’saving grace’ Amastat has, is that he hasn’t threatened us with his new Corpmates… …yet.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

It was a dark and stormy night…  (I always wanted to start a story off like that!)

Well, this evening was quite the exciting one.  SenshiMaru convo’d me and asked if I was interested in providing ‘pickup services’ for a suicide gank he was preparing.  Of course, being the Ninja that I am, I couldn’t pass up the chance to assist.

He had his Raven positioned on the gate and I had cloaked my Bestower 200K off the gate, covertly hidden, and ready for the wreck to materialize.  It only took a few short minutes, but an AFK Bestower appeared, and Senshi scanned it down…  HUNDREDS of items in cargo, and the target was chosen!

After an impressive alpha-strike which blew the Bestower to kingdom come, I warped to the wreck to retrieve the spoils… …and was shocked to see what I found!

Victim: Renim’ ero
Corp: Imperial Shipment
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Bestower
System: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 2110

Involved parties:

Name: SenshiMaru (laid the final blow)
Security: 4.6
Corp: The Cruisers
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Raven
Weapon: Caldari Navy Devastator Cruise Missile
Damage Done: 2110

Destroyed items:

Coercer (Cargo)
Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 3
Bookmark, Qty: 4 (Cargo)
Magnetic Scattering Amplifier I
Explosion Dampening Amplifier I
Giant Secure Container (Cargo)
Tripped Power Circuit, Qty: 26 (In Container)
Widowmaker Heavy Missile, Qty: 200
RADAR Backup Array I, Qty: 2
Conductive Polymer, Qty: 2
Monopulse Tracking Mechanism I
Pyerite, Qty: 10405
Scordite Mining Crystal II, Qty: 3
150mm Carbide Railgun I
Explosion Dampening Field I, Qty: 2
Ward Console
Small Armor Repairer I
ECM Burst I
Triple-sheathed Reflective Plating I
Cap Booster 25, Qty: 10
Veldspar Mining Crystal II, Qty: 6
Thunderbolt Heavy Missile, Qty: 100
Sabretooth Light Missile, Qty: 100
Ballistic Deflection Field I
Small Nosferatu I
Amarr Shuttle
Scorched Telemetry Processor, Qty: 3
Smashed Trigger Unit, Qty: 4
Quad Modal Light Laser I
ECCM - Gravimetric I
Caldari Navy Captain Insignia V
Nanofiber Internal Structure I
Shield Recharger I
Tungsten Charge M, Qty: 100
Photon Scattering Field I
Signal Amplifier I
Bookmark, Qty: 5
Plagioclase Mining Crystal I, Qty: 3
Murky Energy Transmitter I
Contaminated Nanite Compound, Qty: 7
Apotheosis
Assault Missile Launcher I
Fried Interface Circuit, Qty: 12
Focused Medium Beam Laser I
Hammerhead I, Qty: 11
150mm Railgun I, Qty: 2
Metal Scraps, Qty: 4
250mm Railgun I, Qty: 3
280mm Howitzer Artillery I
Medium Shield Booster I, Qty: 2
Cap Recharger I
Stalker F.O.F. Heavy Missile I, Qty: 100
Amarr Navy Colonel Insignia I
Melted Capacitor Console
Heavy Beam Laser I, Qty: 2
Tritanium, Qty: 20835
Scordite Mining Crystal I, Qty: 3
Energized Regenerative Membrane I
Medium Capacitor Booster I
Charred Micro Circuit, Qty: 8
Omber Mining Crystal II, Qty: 3
Eradicator F.O.F. Heavy Missile I, Qty: 100
Caldari Navy Commodore Insignia II, Qty: 2
Small Shield Booster I
Caldari Navy Captain Insignia II, Qty: 2
Armor Plates, Qty: 4
Medium Proton Smartbomb I
Mexallon, Qty: 33321
XeCl Drilling Beam I
Medium Remote Armor Repair System I
Plagioclase Mining Crystal II, Qty: 3
Havoc Heavy Missile, Qty: 100
Hobgoblin I
Datacore - Gallentean Starship Engineering, Qty: 28
Small Energy Transfer Array I
Amarr Navy Midshipman Insignia III, Qty: 3
Phalanx Rocket, Qty: 100
400mm Reinforced Titanium Plates I
Miner I
Standard Missile Launcher I
Defective Current Pump, Qty: 3
Pyroxeres Mining Crystal II, Qty: 6
Seeker F.O.F. Light Missile I, Qty: 100
Serpent F.O.F. Light Missile I, Qty: 100
Expanded Cargohold II
Caldari Navy Captain Insignia I, Qty: 3
Infrared M
1MN Afterburner I, Qty: 2
Rudimentary Ship Scanner I
Heavy Missile Launcher I
Dual 150mm Carbide Railgun I
Tangled Power Conduit, Qty: 3
Overdrive Injector System I
Burned Logic Circuit, Qty: 7
Small Energy Neutralizer I, Qty: 3
Cap Booster 100, Qty: 60
Bouncer I
Malfunctioning Shield Emitter, Qty: 7
Thorium Charge M, Qty: 100
Amarr Navy Major Insignia I, Qty: 3
Small Shield Transporter I
Remote Sensor Dampener I

Dropped items:

Additional Thermal Barrier Emitter I
Expanded Cargohold II
Small Converse I Deflection Catalyzer

So, after all of that excitement, all we got for our trouble were THREE MODULES!  Suffice it to say, not the most impressive foray into the art of the suicide gank, but Senshi is refitting as I write this, and I’ll post again, if there’s more to report.

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

One of our Members, Paul Clavet, recounts his encounter with an Astarte, where, through misadventure and an epic error in judgment, lost his ship to the forces of Concord:

I scan down an Astarte running a mission. I get there to bookmark the Mission and, not knowing what an Astarte was, I find the Pilot tractoring large wrecks to himself and then looting them. I figure I won’t have time to come back in my salvager, but I make the attempt anyway.

I return in my little Slasher, and make my attempt at salvaging, which fails, so I figure I’ll just grab something expensive and run before he can lock me, after which I’ll just rescan the system and move on.

Well, I grab a few expensive-looking things from wrecks, run back to HQ and dock, and figure, “hey, what the heck, he didn’t try to lock me last time.” So, I go back. This time I try to grab a hold full of stuff, and I thought at the time that I did, but as I’m warping out CONCORD jumps in!

“Oh, no!” I think, I’m about to be CONCORDinated! What did I do? Well, they hadn’t scrammed me yet as I accelerate into warp, but then, BOOOOOOOOM! I saw this giant explosion with shockwave as I warped out of the area. The Astarte got nuked!

It turns out that the Pilot in the Astarte was only assisting with Missions for another Mission Runner, and did not own the claim to the loot, so when he opened fire on Mr. Clavet, Concord stepped in and made him pay for his costly mistake!

In classic style, Paul Clavet sent the following EvEMail to the Pilot, after his loss:

Sir,

I was deeply saddened by the loss of your command ship. Please accept the mercy gift of this Slasher as you attempt to recover from this tragedy. The Slasher is a spunky little ship, and properly fitted, can travel much faster than that old boat anyway. I hope that you will find it as useful as I have.

Regards,

Paul Clavet
Salvage Specialist
Suddenly Ninjas

As you can see, the life of a Ninja Salvager is never dull!

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas

Friends, Enemies, and Random Pilots,

If you’ve never felt the rush of adrenaline while salvaging from a tractor beam, nor watched as a pilot has succumbed to that spitting, drooling barrage of profanities, then you’ve never… truly… lived… the life of a Ninja Salvager.

Join me, if you will, as I recount the life of the true Ninja Salvager, from my humble beginnings, to where I am now…  Running the most popular and productive Ninja Salvaging and Looting Corporation in EvE Online.

As your guide through this realm of Internet Spaceships (Serious Business!) I will endeavour to give you my account of what goes on in space…  from the good, to the bad, to the downright evil.  No stone will be left unturned…  No wreck will be left unsalvaged…  No carebear tear will be left unextracted.

Humbly, your host…

Tchell Dahhn
CEO, Suddenly Ninjas